Sunday, November 15, 2009

time for a real change

I had been asking the heavens or whatever is out there, to please give me a spark that I been needing for quite sometime now. I have been feeling lately lost within myself, I don't know what inspires me anymore or find something that can drive my life in a different direction, rather than just sit and wait for shit to happen.

Well glad to say for now (not to sure for what the future holds) that i regained a spark in my life, it was a blessing in disguise, only because I had to do a lot of painful reflecting on my life and how I manage it, I tried looking at my life in a different angle.

One person in particular came into my life and kinda flipped me upside down... in the sense that they kinda through the truth in my face, and kinda opened up my eyes onto something that i had been procrastinating and was in denial about. I'm not going to lie to you, I was hurt when the things i had been kinda putting in the back burner for a while were being exposed to my face from someone who hardly knew me, but read me so well that it took me back. I said to myself,
"damn this motherfucker knows me well, not sure if I'm ready for this". At the same time, this was the blessing in disguise, this person may well have made me regain the spark i needed to get myself together again, helping me realise my faults that i can change or improve. Just like they told me, "you're 27, going to 28, how much longer do you think you have to enjoy your youth... 30 is around the corner and by then who knows if you can do the same things..."

I just wish that I can go back to being a bit younger again just so that it can be easier on me to change. But like other times, i gain strength from pressure. I kinda have a set goal... that's to at least lose 30lbs by Feb. I can go back to my old workout routines which i haven't done since HS, but its never too late to change, especially cuz I'm not that over the hill.

I wonder how I am going to do all of this.... if i continue to think about it, and NOT DO IT... its never gonna happen. so I figure i should just go for the jump while I am stilling feeling this sparky inspiration.

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